10 Things Families Want Residential Providers to Know

A little over a month ago, 5 fearless parents and I conducted a 3 hour workshop for residential providers from all over the country. Their national conference was held in Boston and we were the only workshop with an honest-to-goodness parent panel. Some of the other workshops included youth speaking about their experiences, but we were the lone parent voice. We used our time effectively, recounting experiences and giving advice.

Residential care for children with mental health needs is slowly changing. This is partially caused by changes in funding and certainly influenced by a new understanding that out of home care must be seamlessly connected to a child’s family and community. The Building Bridges Initiative recently held its 3rd summit in Omaha and continues to promote practice and policy to strengthen partnerships between families, youth, community and residential based treatment. There are some truly innovative and exciting programs being developed. It should go without saying that any new policy, practice or design needs to include input from parents.

With this in mind, our presentation also included a top ten list called, “Ten Things Parents Want Residential Providers to Know.” This list is a result of many heartfelt conversations, moments of humor and often exasperation shared by dozens of parents over the years.

Number 10. See me as part of the solution, not just part of the problem. Let me know what you’re finding is effective and what isn’t working – I’ve been through failures before and I know they are part of the process.

Number 9. I know things about my child’s history, strengths, responses and culture that no one else does. I’ve known my child since he/she was an infant and I know things no one else in the world knows. Sometimes I worry that some of the information in his file might be wrong.

Number 8. While you are making decisions based on my child’s needs, I am making decisions based on my family’s needs. With each decision I think about the impact on my entire family, especially the other children.

Number 7. When we have a difference of opinion about what to do for my child, remember I am an expert too.

Number 6. Don’t call me Mom (or Dad).

Number 5. I want to know that you see my child as a special and unique individual. As one parent told me, “Just for the length of this treatment meeting, I want my child to be just as important to everyone else as he is to me every day.”

Number 4. I am tired and frustrated by everything we have gone through to get to this point. There are days when I don’t feel successful at parenting this child. At our first meeting, I was probably at a low point.

Number 3. I really value good information. Getting useful information to help me understand my child’s diagnosis and how to access treatment for him has been very hard to come by.

Number 2. Regular, detailed communication is important to me. I want to hear about my child’s progress and help develop strategies to build on successes. I appreciate all forms of communication (phone, email, newsletters)

Number 1. Please train your staff on the principles of family-driven care. I am getting tired of training each new person myself!

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3 Responses to 10 Things Families Want Residential Providers to Know

  1. Mark Zanger says:

    Number Six is my favorite now. When my family member was in residential, they all mattered a loyt. Great list.

  2. Meri says:

    The residential baggage for the parent is just as hard to explain as it is for the child. The pieces that I find so challenging are:
    1. Home Visits- why not call them school visits?
    2. Friends, only at school do not communicate outside of school- so outside you have no friends?
    3. You can call your mom when you are calm? My mom helps me calm down.
    4. My clothing is carried in a trashbag even though my mom sent a school bag, everyone steals them because no one wants to look like they are homeless.
    5. Visitors for the kids that have families get told they are to controling and they want to limit visits.

    I really do believe in the Building Bridges Initiative, and I wish that we could then work on the hospital settings-

    Great write up!! Meri

  3. Cara Falconi says:

    This is a wonderful write up, thank you. I wish that we could make sure each staff and clinician at residential programs read this!