Dear Santa

Meri Viano is a guest blogger for Hold On, It’s Not Over and the mother of three children. This is her letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

I have been exceptionally good this year. Well, at least I’ve tried really hard to be good. But there are all sorts of things that can get in the way.

I’ve been doing extra chores this year. It’s hard to pick up after children that hide things, especially cookie dough behind the cabinets, snacks in drawers, and even the papers that get ripped up into a million little pieces because it is an “activity” that keeps one of my kids busy. It can take a huge amount of planning to get the chores done and also manage to pick up and move pictures to the holes in the walls so that the visitors do not feel they have entered a “unsafe ” place.

I am not even talking about the singing that I have to do to get my daughter to eat, or the dancing I must do to get her to drink. It is difficult being the mom and the entertainer. Combining discipline and building positive self esteem is hard. NOT like the Italian home I grew up in.. you knew if the wooden spoon was raised you ran!

I have also tried to go grocery shopping at 11pm so that my children are sleeping all nestled in their beds and limit the number of customers who point at me and say “That”s the mom with the unruly child.” It also helps with the child who feels he needs to eat certain things to keep the voices in his head away.. if you drink lots of water you will not hear the scratching on the window that is not there.

I am trying to be nice to everyone but Santa, have you ever called Mobile Crisis? They want you to schedule a time for the crisis! When you call, they seem to always say it is shift change and they won’t have a clinician in for four hours. How do you pause a crisis? I call, at first to explain, then I’m more demanding but still patient, and then okay, I talk about the laws and then I’m called the parent OUT OF CONTROL.

Santa, I’ve spent a lot of time teaching too. Everywhere I go it seems I have teaching to do — grocery stores, banks, even people in cars looking as you are waiting for the stop light. Seems like everyone has to LOOK at our kids and judge us. So I am trying Santa.. but it gets hard. The new item in the state is Wraparound. What they don’t tell you is…well, can you imagine not believing in strength based families? Why is it such a hard concept? And you know my tough child–the one that hears voices–who doesn’t know what to do and sometimes wonders why he should continue to try? This Wraparound thing would never work for him because he is too unique–the system calls him too complicated.

Finally.. I really want to go back to DMH and get a caseworker that believes in families, believes in clinical help. They call back, they support, and guess what .. they do not want to file 51As. I am trying to believe that the professionals in Wraparound will get it.. but how many times do you need to change teams in order to succeed?

So I hope all this counts. My list this year is a list of the things I think would help me with the system. It’s a little like a top 10 countdown (I would love to be Jay Leno, or Letterman). Will people get my sense of humor? It is different then most… I guess not really if you have a child like mine.

The items on my list are in the order of importance, so if there are too many things for you to carry, please delete as few of the items as possible, starting from the bottom of my list.

Santa, I will leave you organic oatmeal cookies and soy milk (in case you are lactose intolerant) and carrots for your reindeer (organically grown of course).

Thank you in advance. I know you receive a lot of letters so you don’t need to reply unless there is a problem with my list or you need services for another child. I have taught myself to be resourceful so please let me know if I can help someone else get it right!

10. Mobile crisis to move in my home

9. Clinicians who will talk to all parts of the team

8. Schools that do not depend on the parent to play expert, and then blame them if it doesn’t work

7. A secretary

6. A full time nurse – those somatic symptoms creep up on us

5. News station to teach the public about children’s mental health

4. Safety protection.. not what you are thinking… i want bubble wrap so when the heat is hot.. i am protected!!!

3. Another set of eyes.. reality tv please. The money would pay for the lawyers.

2. I always wanted more children, so for this one could each kid in DCF or any other system get a someone to call mom, dad, grandma or grandpa?

1. Ok.. I have decided.. nothing can be cut off my list…I need it all to make things work

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3 Responses to Dear Santa

  1. I love it – Thanks so much for sharing. I passed it on to my daughters school (JRI-Walden) and my clients who live the days you describe. It’s important that the professionals who work with our children hear our experiences; humor is a great way pave the way. Happy Holidays to all! Susan Haberman

  2. Loving Parent says:

    Which Mobile Crisis Team are you referring to in your post? I have had multiple, positive, and validating experiences with the Mobile Crisis Team in Worcester, and have never heard of this shift change nonsense you speak of here. It is certainly unfortunate and unacceptable for anyone to tell that to a family in crisis, but I cannot fathom ever hearing that from the wonderfully supportive and professional Worcester team. I appeciate the work they do with my family, and I hope others do too.

  3. Meri says:

    My information is from my personal experience and many other families!
    We NEED mobile crisis and the state needs to support them in travel,time overlap and community needs.
    I have had several sucessess and others that my kids could have been arrested.

    I appreciate your comments and realize many including Worcester are doing great work. And many other teams, CSA and providers need more training and support.
    Happy holidays to you and yours.