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My dear friend: my experience with grief

angel-and-griefI’m not a religious person. I don’t attend church, and I don’t pray before bed. Even though I am not religious, I do believe there is life beyond death. I believe there is a place where our loved ones can connect and watch us from above. If there is such a place, I know they gained an angel when my friend passed on.

One of my great friends passed away in April of 2015. The day I found out was the worst day of my life. I went on social media, and it was flooded with posts about her. She had committed suicide at the age of 17. I couldn’t believe the things I read. I cried all night long and school the next day was spent with counselors. I had never experienced the loss of a friend, and it tore me to pieces.

I attended her calling hours shortly after that. I cried with her mother, who gave me a huge hug. I cannot imagine the pain her mother was and is feeling. Losing someone is never easy, especially someone so young. Grief has stricken me ever since. I’ve spent the last year spending most of my days at home, crying because I miss her so much.

She was a remarkable person. She cared so much for others, but tended to neglect herself. Her smile was contagious and she always had something nice to say. I don’t think there was a mean bone in her body. That’s what made her such a good friend.

I’ve gone through all the “what if’s”. What if I could’ve done something? What if I had listened more? Even with those questions, I knew in the back of my head it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t do anything wrong. However in the sad moments, your mind thinks of all these sorts of things.

Grief is always a difficult thing to cope with. More than a year later I still am trying to handle these feelings. I wish I could say I have come to terms with losing her, but every time someone brings her up, or when I bring her up, I feel an emptiness in my heart. I feel like a part of me is missing.

What I have learned is, it is totally normal to grieve for a long time. I like to take comfort in my belief that somehow, my dear friend is in a better, less depressing place. She deserves that much after what she went through.

For all of you who have lost a loved one, no matter the circumstances, remember you deserve to continue on. Try to make the world a better place, and never forget your loved ones.

Rachel LaBrie is our guest blogger.  Rachel is a young adult who strives to someday become an author. She also loves spending time with her 5 four legged friends.