Transition

It still takes me by surprise when my now-young-adult children have been doing wonderful for weeks and months and then all of a sudden the signs start showing. Showers not happening, slow and fast speech and maybe a change in routine of medication or daily activities. As the parent I see this and sometimes it takes me a week or two to know that “the change” is happening. Mental health symptoms coming on strong and can be hard to catch.  They are also not wanted.

Sometimes I’ve taken a break from needing mental health support.  We might have had a break from therapy, hospital visits or even needing provider and state support. But when the change happens you need family and friends by your side.

This is when I reach out to the supports – friends, family, and providers. I get the push back from providers every time saying,” your son is independent and his IAP (Individualized Action Plan) has already been written so we can’t do anything else.” Really? What happened to the days and times that providers would just do what individuals needed to keep them healthy? That is really what is needed. Community includes the parents, the family and the family friends. We do not get paid to take and love our young adult.  We see them as family.

As my son would reach out and show signs of needing hospitalization for hallucinations and ongoing voices and fear, I would call the supports to get the TEAM on the same page. The team did not respond to what I thought or my son felt was needed.  Instead it was , Let’s try to keep him in the community. Really, again? I wonder if they realize that when my son and I advocated for the hospitalization it was a for a tune-up to make life stable and better for 3 more years. I am known asking for people to tell me I am right, and sometimes they don’t.  But really I am looking for people to work with us as a team.

My adult children grow and understand themselves even more.  Independence is exactly what we would like to have with our children. It really is a quality of stability and supports that we want our children to know how to gain for themselves. Whether young adults have CBFS or case management, there are many young adults with parents/caregivers that continue to get the calls from their adult children.

Recently, I was asked by a provider to please make sure my voicemail box was empty. I explained that I empty it two times a day but sometimes with two young adults who call me with their challenges it isn’t easy. This happened at a time that both of them were having struggles and using one of the best coping strategies they have.  That was to call my voicemail only to hear my voice so that they would be ok.

I have also been asked why I continue to meet them weekly as it really isn’t needed anymore.  I want to explain in my family I talk to my mom every morning and prior to that, I also talked to my grandfather daily. I have several friends in the community that do not have children like mine and talk to their child daily. So why are my children different? If anything shouldn’t they have normal happenings and opportunities?

I am working with the my children to be independent and what I need is for the people that get funded with the state dollars as providers, and state systems, to work with me to teach skills like cooking, budgeting, social opporutinies, transportation, how to drive, how to work out things on their own. I am hoping for them to be able to live – and not call 30 times a day because they have skills so I do not have to figure it out with them.

When I ran a group home in my 20s for adults with developmental delays, we took every opportunity to teach to include, to model, to reinforce.  In the Transition Age World we need to teach, model, and repeat skills – instead of allowing people to sleep, be depressed and refuse to do anything just because they have rights.  They have the right to learn and be empowered! Let’s work together as a team to make that happen.

Do you want young adults to add to society, feel good about themselves and help someone else? The time is now to change programming, supports and activities to be right- make a change!

Meri Viano is our guest blogger.  She is the parent of two sons and a daughter who continue to inspire her blog posts.

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2 thoughts on “Transition

  1. Couldn’t agree more!! Feels like moms the enemy sometimes. I teach college. These kids call home with every exam and afterwards. Every sore throat, if they needs snacks. Same age as our kids…normal! Our kids challenges are different but they still count on Mom.. Mom still knows them best… Notmal!

  2. I’m a Mom to our 30 year old son. He’s on the spectrum and we have been through so many ch. you’re so right-on about Mom connections. He calls me when he’s feeling vulnerable. And I’m proud of that!

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