Gillette, the Best a Man Can Get

February 25th, 2019

men at window Lately, there has been a lot of controversy over an ad that the company Gillette released on January 13, 2019. There is an argument that the commercial is making it so that men are soft and not the masculine figures so many believe that a man should be, while the subtitle of the ad is “The Best a Man Can Be.” The commercial depicts the very real emotions that men feel when toxic masculinity has become an unfortunate part of life as a man in the United States of America. It also shows examples of how this affects not only men but women of all ages as well.

Violence, sexuality, physical strength, and disrespecting women are some of the things this ad is focused on. Showing examples of catcalling, fighting, name calling and the fact that men are not holding other men accountable for their actions, this commercial brought light to the affect toxic masculinity has on the population of young adults to seniors. It also explains how men can be much more respectful of everyone and to make sure that if you see something, say something.

Many men experience pressure from society to be “a man” and not show emotion when emotion needs to be experienced, not suppressed, like so many boys and men have to do while in the company of other men. Self-esteem is another thing that this ad touches on and how it can be affected by things like bullying due to shaming of things like being a virgin or crying publicly. The way that this affects young boys while maturing can teach lessons that are toxic to them and makes them act in a way that they probably wouldn’t if there wasn’t so much harassment about being your true self.

One other thing that this ad focuses on is men stepping in and calling out other men who are being toxic in ways that refer to women; for example, calling women “ladies” or “sweetheart” and generally disrespecting the other sex. Women suffer from toxic masculinity just as much as men. They can be abused or mentally damaged by things men do because of what toxic masculinity has made them feel that they have to do. Feeling like men have to “wear the pants” in a relationship and be the one in charge can lead to verbal and physical abuse of spouses.

Personally, I have fallen victim to toxic masculinity. Having to throw punches when a conversation is the real solution, having to fight my inner thoughts of being attracted to other men, and feeling like I’m not the person I should be because I have these feelings. Being pressured by every other male in high school that being a virgin is the weakest thing you can be. Also, I’ve been ridiculed for crying at school and showing my actual emotions instead of trying to “be hard”. All this leads to feelings of insecurity and self-loathing only because I felt that I was lower and weaker than other young men in my high school.

So, in conclusion, the Gillette ad shows that men can be doing more to help end this cycle of toxic masculinity and the harassment that follows. Many people have brought up their concerns that Gillette is trying to take a stance on making men softer and weaker. However, they are missing the point of the ad. Gillette is showing how toxic masculinity is harmful and men can make a positive difference by speaking up and stepping in. The title of the advertisement it “The Best a Man Can Be” not “Men are being attacked for being masculine.”  

Author: Anonymous

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Rise UP

January 23rd, 2019

silhouette of people jumpingThe other day I got stuck in this moment of thought. A short moment where I truly observed where I was standing, where I was breathing, what I was looking at. A room full of youth and walls filled with art work that screamed hope and resilience. The air filled with laughter and belonging, like there was this sense of safety and an absolution that something was going to be okay. It was our weekly youth group, something I had gotten so use to facilitating that I had forgotten that I once walked through the doors of the group for the very first time. It suddenly dawned on me that where I stood now and where I stood many years ago is a victory and I must remind myself every day to appreciate and acknowledge it.

I had just turned eight years old when my adoptive mother chose to no longer be a part of my life and to no longer be a mother to me. She kept my two brothers, therefore separating us when she sent me away into the system. In this moment as a young, curious, and fragile child without a care in the world, I was introduced to the most excruciating, painful trauma that life can bestow on one’s journey.

It was a second time shock, giving your heart, your soul, your belonging, to someone the world chose to be your mother, for them to just one day change their mind. I no longer had a mother to guide me, take me to my first day of middle school, brag about me at a high school graduation, and send me off to college. I no longer had a mother to go to one of my baseball games, be proud of me when I received awards, and cheer me on when I performed at talent shows.

However, all of those little things I realized I could still do while standing proud and strong. I could still grow up a man and know how to treat a woman. I could still receive an award and have people who support me look up at me and be proud of me. I could still be proud of myself. I could fall and tumble down the hill, make a whole bunch of new mistakes, and still get up and come back better than before.

The love and respect I could not receive from one woman was not going to impact the love and respect I had for myself, nor what I could give to others. Yes I acted out, yes I did drugs, yes I got into fights, yes I was lost and my heart was filled with anger! But that was then and this is now. I am 20 years old and I provide for myself. I live in an apartment in the city and I have a job. I advocate for youth and young adults from ALL backgrounds and I give them a voice. I’ve spoken on panels and facilitated trainings to educate others and make change. I did this despite one woman’s decision to decide my worth, to decide my value. I am where I am today because I chose that this is where I belong, I choose to be strong, and I choose to prove everyone who said, “You won’t succeed” WRONG.

The other day I got stuck in this moment of thought. A short moment where I truly observed where I was standing, where I was breathing, what I was looking at. A room full of youth and walls filled with art work, and where I found myself standing, where I am today, I can truly tell myself…. I AM PROUD, I AM VICTORIOUS, I AM STRONG.

Mateo Anderson is a young adult whose focus is on supporting and advocating for youth and families of mental health. He is currently working in the peer support field. 

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Question 3 from the Perspective of a Non-Binary Young Adult

November 28th, 2018

trans military ban protest

By: Rachel LaBrie

Recently, in our midterm elections on November 6th, we had a ballot question that could’ve made life a lot more frightening, and potentially dangerous, for folks who are not cisgender. For anyone who is confused, cisgender means you identify with the sex assigned to you at birth. For example, if you were assigned female at birth, and you identify as female, you are cisgender. Transgender, which is an umbrella term, means you do not identify with the sex assigned to you at birth.

The law that we were voting on, and we inevitably kept in place with our votes, made it illegal to discriminate against someone for their gender identity in places of public accommodation. For example, it made it illegal for places like sports venues, hotels, and restaurants to discriminate against you for that reason.  If we had a “no” vote on this question (question 3 on our ballot), this law would have been rolled back. We would have been the first state in the country to roll back protections for transgender people. That would have set a dangerous precedent for the rest of our nation.

As someone who is not cisgender, this law being taken away would have had an impact on me. I identify as non-binary and gender fluid. Basically, for me, that means sometimes I identify as female and use she/her/hers pronouns, and other times I feel like I’m somewhere in between male and female, and on those days (which are most days) I use they/them/theirs pronouns.  I could have been denied service based on this fact. That would be devastating to me.

I’ve been asked, as someone who is a contractor for a youth organization (Youth MOVE Massachusetts) and PPAL, why it was and is such an important question for our organization to have a stance on. A lot of our youth and young adults are transgender, non-binary, and gender non-conforming. This law put the livelihoods of our folks at stake. It is so important to recognize that this law is so important and crucial in keeping our folks protected and involved in their community.

There is still a lot of work to be done to educate the community on gender identity. So many people don’t understand the terminology, or the disparities in care that people experience when they are transgender. I hope to see a day where we can all coexist without this constant judgement and that people will stop feeling entitled to have an “opinion” on whether or not people like me exist. Because we do, and it is not a matter of opinion. We are here. And we will continue to be. And the sooner we can all respect each other, the better.

Rachel LaBrie is a advocate and a writer. They are currently working on compiling a book of poetry about their struggles with mental health. 

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Am I not deserving of a forever family?

October 31st, 2018

people holding handsGrowing up in surroundings so mental health and trauma based, I used to ask myself what is this for? Yes, I am getting treatment for a diagnosis that I had and I couldn’t help, but I still think about how my entire childhood and adolescent years had been taken up by trauma, negativity, and struggle. I had to stop and ask myself, “What can I do? What can I do to make up for all this lost time?”

I found myself struggling to find any sort of redemption for actions I made and events I caused in the midst of my self-destruction, and trying to rekindle the once pure connection with those who cared for me. This is how I turned the trauma that destroyed me into something that made me.

I would consider myself being in the childcare system and behavioral health system since the age of 3 and a half, maybe 4 years old. Nothing was ever handed to me. I worked hard for acceptance, love, and attention; somethings that should have been a given to a young child yet I still could never quite grasp. Even though I was placed in a family does not mean I received love and attention. Just because I was placed in residential does not mean I received the help I needed.

Growing up was a struggle for me. There were days I asked myself, “What am I doing wrong? Am I not deserving of a forever family? Was I not strong enough to defeat depression?” My nine year old self thought, “Would people finally look at me when my picture is placed in a big frame memorializing me for the years I lived, and mourning me for the years I could not have?” Yes, I was nine years old when suicide first crossed my mind. I had lost everything most important to a child for the second time. I lost a mother, my brothers, my home, my beliefs, and my trust for any and all adults.

Flash forward to my adolescent years when I struggled through programs even more than I could have imagined. I was 14 years old with so much potential but completely blind to it. I was struggling with depression, PTSD, substances, and anger. I made many mistakes as any teenager does, but my mistakes were a self- destructive engine that would soon kill me. It wasn’t until I hit the age of 17 that I was able to recover enough to function in reality on my own.

I learned a lot in my years of struggle and recovery, including the need for advocacy and support from relatable people who know and have lived through the system of childcare and residential. I also believe that no matter what struggle one goes through in life, there is never “a reason” to stop fighting the struggle. What I mean by this is if something negative happens in your life, do not give it the power to “steal” those valuable and precious good moments of your life. Turn it into a situation where the negative moment was there to help you learn and guide you on a path to an evolved “YOU.”

In my case, I did not let my parent-less childhood and 10 years of residential experiences steal my childhood and adolescent years. I let it teach me how to support and care for youth and young adults who are struggling through the same or similar experiences, and help guide them to success and happiness using the strength and knowledge gained through my firsthand experience. I was not going to let my past destruction destruct my future self, and so I let my past destruction be the knowledge I gained to make me who I am. Today, I am someone who cares, loves, understands, empathizes with others, and support those who need it.

Mateo Anderson is a young adult whose focus is on supporting and advocating for youth and families of mental health. He is currently working in the peer support field. 

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I Am Not My Mental Illness, And Neither Are You

September 28th, 2018

seacoast sceneI am most certainly not my mental illnesses.

Although I have ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, and most likely an upcoming OCD diagnosis, I am not defined by those labels.

I am a lover of poetry. I get lost in the words I write, pouring the bottled up emotion onto paper, and making it sound like a symphony. I love to sing, love to hear music flow through my headphones, a form of escape sometimes, and other times indulging in sadness.

I am empathetic. I love to help other people. It’s what I know I was born to do. I am an advocate. I have advocated locally, statewide, and nationally, and it’s all a result of my burning passion for being a voice. I am a voice for those who have a hard time speaking out, for those who are growing tired of being treated like they don’t belong.

When I tell people I have a mental illness, it is an immediate judgement when that person doesn’t know what it is like to feel like there is no hope. Sometimes, hope seems so far away. It feels like I will never earn the right to be happy. However, there is strength within me. So when I feel like I don’t belong, I tell myself there must be a reason I’m still here. I think that reason is to pursue a better future, both for myself and others.

So yes, I am not my mental illness. No one is defined only by their mental illness. We are all warriors. We fight this battle bravely every day. We are not just “patients”, we are people who need our voices heard, for there is so much to be said.

By: Rachel LaBrie

 

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