My Life So Far

person in the rainHi, my name is Alan and I’m transgender. Ever since I was a little kid, I always knew there was something different about me. I just didn’t know what it was at the time. I was once told that I was a tomboy, and just went along with that. I thought being a tomboy was the closest I could get to being a boy; I didn’t even know that the word transgender even existed. 

When I was in elementary school, all the kids saw me as “that one kid” almost all the time. I would be asked if I was a boy or a girl because of the way I was dressed and acted. Every time someone asked me that question, I would answer with “I’m a girl! I just dress like a boy!” The only reason I would reply with that is because my family was always telling me that, and at the time I thought adults were always right. Boy, was I wrong. You see, most of my family is either Catholic or Penticostal, except for my mom and older sister, thankfully. 

My family would always talk to my mom about me, worried that would turn out to be trans in the future and that I would go to Hell because of it. Of course, they didn’t tell me any of those things because they still have manners, which is nice. For the longest time I hated them, and after a while I distanced myself from them. My mother couldn’t do that because she partially took care of my grandma and I understood; I mean, she can’t just abandon her mom because of me. So the only relative I actually visited was my grandma, the most religious out of all my family members. Over time though, I grew to ignore the fact that she didn’t accept me, and eventually I did the same thing with all my family members.

Did it annoy me? Yes it did, but I decided to be the bigger person and tried to repair the broken relationship I had with my family. Over time, my relationship with them got better and better. Recently my uncle told me that he would call me Alan, my cousin is referring to me as a ‘he’ now, and my grandma actually referred to me as a ‘he’ a few times – but she then went back to referring to me as a ‘she.’ But it is progress, and I’m thankful for that.  And to all the kids like me, things really do get better.

by Alan

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